Not Much Going on Here

Well, not alot to update, but going to make it a quick.

Thanksgiving was nice. Wednesday we drove Michael to OC, that was an adventure in itself. It took us almost 9 1/2 hours to get from Bakersfield, to OC and back. It was c-r-a-z-y. Thanksgiving day the hubby, daughter and I hung out and spent some time together. We had a really nice dinner, and even better nap. We simply spent the weekend relaxing and enjoying each others company. As of Sunday, Tan and I both ended up with a cold, that has yet to leave us.

As for the pregnancy, all is going well right now. Had an apt last Fri, had some blood drawn and go back again this Friday for the test results. I have only gained 1lb this past month. The Dr is happy with that, says it should be a little more, however since I am still a little neausou it's ok. I got to hear a really good heartbeat. It was 150-165 beats per minute. Tan screamed "my baby" when the Dr went to touch my tummy. She's already so protective! So, things seem to be good. I am already having sciatic pain on the right side (my sons pregnancy damaged the nerve) and round ligament pain on the left. Which means any time now the little one will be migrating up. Yay! lol. We will not be able to do the ultrasound until about the second week of the pregnancy. The Dr wants to make sure that I am far enough along to have to perinatologist be able to check all the babies growth and all the vital organs. He wants to make sure all my medical problems have not caused any problems with the developement of the baby. I am praying that all is well with the little one. (yes, we are also anxiously awaiting that time to find out what the little pea will be)

Tanis is on her way to being potty trained. We started the week of Thanksgiving and she's doing great. This week we have only had one accident so far. We are in big girl underwear all day long. We only sleep in diapers. To say that I am so proud of her is an understatement. She's so happy she's doing good too. She goes, gets up, claps her hands and screams "yay, I did it". She makes me smile all day long and I am so loving being able to watch her grow. I will also be happy to have my toddler out of diapers when I have another one on the way that will be wearing them. Talk about saving money.

I have had some more bad news about my grandfather who has fallen ill. He was in remission of cancer when it came back with full force. He has lost a major amount of weight, and as of about ten minutes ago my dad called to tell me that he is now in the care of hospice and on home oxygen. The last picture that I saw of my grandfather (from Thanksgiving day) reminded me of the way my grandmother looked not a week before she passed away. I pray for his sake that his passing is with peace, and that with the support of my family, her church, her church preschool that when the time comes my grandmother will be ok. I also pray for my father. My dad loves his father so, and I know that just for him to be able to call me and tell me what is going on is very hard for him.

Other than that, not much else is going. Missing everyone for sure. Hope everyone out there is doing great.

The baby list

Yes, I'm only 11 weeks, but I am trying to stay organized and on top of everything. With the way my emotions have been playing out lately, I can't count on a clear brain.We are trying to plan ahead and to get a little at a time. (not much room for storage right now)  I know it's only been two years since I had my last kid, but I don't want to forget anything. Out of the necessities, what do I need to get baby to be? Here is my list. Please let me know if I am missing anything.

Car Seat & Stroller Set
Crib
   Bedding Set
   Water Proof pads
   Wedge
Swing (not necessity but need to use to keep away from curious 2 yr old when my hands are busy) :)
Monitor
Diaper Pail (no one around this time to take out poop diapers)
Diapers
Wipes
Burp Clothes (re-usable diapers)
Mylicon drops
Pacifier (if this one takes it, last child didn't)
Bottles (for later)
Drops ins (for later)
Bibs
Bath Tub
Baby Wash
Baby lotion
Wash Clothes
Baby Towels
Clothes
Receiving blankets

We already have plenty of baby blankets, the pack-n-play, baby ointment, etc.

2 days shy of 11 weeks

Ok, just a quick update, for those of you that are interested. This is how big the baby and I now look. I feel huge, I think I look huge, but I'm just pregnant, or so I am told. :) These were taken as of this morning. My last pregnancy I took pictures every week, of my true belly, however this time around, I will only be publishing "clothing" shots.

This am..wow I'm big

Yes, those are maternity pants. Mine didn't fit as of almost 4 weeks ago.

Update

Well, there has been quite a bit going on in the last two weeks. So, forgive me if I ramble, however I am sickly right now, sleep deprived and not completely in my right mind.

Pregnancy:

Had my 9 week checkup last week, (I am now 10 weeks today) and all went very well. Dr said that the ultrasound showed nothing bad, that the baby was doing good, the heart beat was very good. I have only gained 6lbs, which is very good, however I am very much showing. I asked the Dr about this and he said that because I have had two kids before, it's as if my body already knows what do to, the muscles are loosening up and my body is already making room for baby. Wow, scary huh. Well, my next appointment will not be for another month. At that time he will run blood test to check on my electrolytes and thyroid levels. (that is unless I end up in the ER before then) The morning sickness has not gone away. It's subsiding, A LITTLE, but the Dr said by about week 14-16 it should go away. So, I only have about 4-6 weeks left. Joy. In addition to the morning sickness, I now have a cold. No, it's not the piggy flu because my Dr made me get the vaccine, but it still sucks all the same. Because I am so high risk I am not aloud to take anything. My nose is so plugged up and I have that dry cough from the itchiness in the throat but luckily I have had no fever. YAY!

This picture was taken last week, T was going down to kiss my belly

  

Michael

This past Tuesday was my sons 9th Birthday. I still can't believe that I have a 9 year old child. Wow, that makes me feel old. I can still remember the day I brought him into this world like it was yesterday.  We didn't do anything but as it was a weekday, however he had fun all the same. Below I will post some pictures of him opening his presents. He got some cool things, however I think the best was the video game he got because he and dad played for half the night. The funny thing about these pictures is the wrapping paper. Mom and dad got the presents and the card, but got home and forgot the wrapping paper, so he got sisters left over paper. He got a kick out of it so it was all good. After his present we of course had cake, then later on in the evening papa showed up, which is always a nice thing. All in all, he said he had a great Birthday.

His almost life side Transformers card

His new DC Shoes (he's a DC freak)

His video game, happy, I think so...& sister was jumping for joy & she didn't even know why :)

Tanis

I can not believe how big she is getting and how frigging smart she is. She shocks and amazes us every day. My dad came by last week to bring me a pair of maternity pants my step mom sewed, and of course, as always Tan was all over him. She ran to her room, got her tool box, and made papa play for a little while.

My dad playing tools with Tan

Tan has started to bring her toys out to the living room when I am doing other things. They are all in tubs. Then when it's time, I tell her to clean them up. She puts all her toys in the correct tubs then transports them in to her room. The funny thing is, that no one told her or showed her, she learned that it's less trips if she stacks them up and pushes them in there. It's weird because when I look at her sometimes, I want her to go back to being the little baby I held in my arms the day I brought her home from the hospital, but then I look again, she's a very tall 2 year old little girl who's just too smart for her britches. She really gives her brother a run for his money, that's for sure.

She's cleaned up & stacked them all up

She's pushing them all to her room

Other than that, we have all been dealing with this darn cold that's going around. Right now, it's Tan and I that are sick. Hoping it goes by very quickly. 

As always, thank you all for your support and well wishes. Hugs to you all!!

Mememe

Ok, here it goes, my first memem post courtesy of @PrincessJenn over at Princess Pros for passing it on. Hope i do it right.

As she put it, there are 3 Rules:
* Answer the questions below using only one word
* Thank the blogger who gave it to you
* Pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers

Now the questions:

1. Where is your cell phone? bed
2. Your hair? waivy
   
3. Your mother? missed
4. Your father? manly
5. Your favorite food? pizza
6. Your dream last night? scary
7. Your favorite drink? water
8. Your dream/goal? happiness
9. What room are you in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? hmmmm
    
11. Your fear? drowning
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
    
13. Where were you last night? home
    
14. Something you aren’t? denial
    
15. Muffins? yummy
    
16. Wish list item? Car
    
17. Where did you grow up? California
18. Last thing you did? tweeted
19. What are you wearing? clothes
    
20. Your TV? big
    
21. Your pets? none
22. Your friends? yup
23. Your life? chaotic
24. Your mood? happy
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Vehicle? truck
    
27. Something you’re not wearing? socks
28. Your favorite store? oldnavy
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When was the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? yesterday
    
32. Your best friend? Cristin
    
33. One place that I go over and over? bed
    
34. One person who emails me regularly? none
35. Favorite place to eat? unkown
    

Now for the fun part – this is where I torture my friends and force them to play along:

CCInBetween

adventures with addison

Tom the girl

Sir William Henry

The Coughran Family

Baby Making Machine

I miss her so much!

I was reading someones blog yesterday about the passing away of her grandfather. It made me cry, and cry, and cry some more. I came to a huge realization, I never mourned the passing of my grandmother and it hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday.

Note: It's up to you to continue reading or not, but I have to post to get this off my chest, and yes, it is sad.

My grandmother was the center of my life for a very very long time. My mother passed away when I was 5 years old of Leukemia on Halloween day. My grandmother had been my "mother" my whole life. Yes, my dad remarried, and yes, it was a traditional Cinderella story. We didn't get along other and there was abuse. I survived because I always had my grandmother. Even when we lived on separate coasts she flew me out to CA every summer for 5 years. We talked all the time and always wrote a ton of letters. I could tell my grandma everything and anything. She never judged me or my thoughts.

My children were my grandmothers only great grandchildren. My grandmother was at the birth of my daughter 2 1/2 years ago. I will never forget that. She was so sick already, but she never left my side for almost 3 days while I was having complications with the pregnancy and was being induced. She was the first one to see my daughter, she stood next to the baby warmer as the nurse cleaned her up, and she was the first one to hold her. She went home that day and proceeded to sleep for almost three days. She was exhausted. I will never forget that she told me that I had made her the happiest she had been in years and that it was the highest honor to be at the birth. I told her I was the one that was honored!

My grandmother 8/4/2007 & my daughter

She's the first one to hold my daughter

My grandmother adored my children. She was happy when my son was born because she had one son, and 2 daughters. Each of them only had girls for children. (6 grand-daughters) My son was her first "boy" grand/great-grandson. Then, when I told her at Christmas in 2006 that I was pregnant again, she said it better be a girl this time. And it was. She was happy.

This is my grandmother & daughter the day after we got out of the hospital

My grandmother had been sick for some time but her (stupid) Dr's (and I say this lightly so I don't get in any sort of trouble) never "figured out" what was wrong with her until it was too late. Her cancer had spread too far and was not curable. We found out that she had several types of cancer, but the one that would kill her would be her liver, and her stomach cancer would be the one to cause the most pain. We got the news in January of 2008. My grandmother passed March 5, 2008. (sadly also my grandfathers birthday).

On the Sunday, a week before my "mother" passed away, my daughter and I had been visiting her. She wasn't able to do much, but she was happy, coherent and mobile. I said I love her and went home that night. Monday my grandfather called me and said hospice said she took a turn for the worse, and that grandma said over and over she was going to die soon. I left work, where thankfully I had a very understanding boss & I only worked 10 minutes away, and headed over there. She was in pain, lots of it. She was refusing to take her medications because she said her brother (he passed away of drowning when they were kids) said its her time to go and that all her family was there to take her with them. At that point, I knew we had to do what ever she wanted. She withered in pain for almost 6 days. I had to be her caretaker because no one else understood why she was doing what she was doing. She was fighting everyone, didn't want any more of her meds, and just wanted to be left to die. I knew it had to be hard for her children, (her sons wife is a nurse and was very helpful and supportive through all this) and I decided I was going to do what I could to make her comfortable and just be there for her the best I could.

On the night she passed away my grandfather had called to tell me my aunt, the nurse was there and it wasn't going to be long. I immediately got in my truck and drove as fast as I could to get over there. Up until this point I had told everyone that after all I had been through with her I didn't want to be there when the time actually came. When I got the call, I changed my mind. When I got there, my mother was laying in bed staring at the ceiling gasping for breath. My aunt was watching over her. I asked her to leave the room, and I have the last one sided conversation with my grandmother. I told her that her whole family was there, that it was ok for her to go, and that we didn't want her to be in any more pain. My aunt came back into the room, we stood over her, and as she took her last breath my two other cousins came in. My aunt was taking her pulse in the neck and I on her wrist. We both looked at each other, and with her last heart beat, we cried. My aunt went out to tell the rest of the family and make the appropriate phone calls, however I still wasn't able to leave her side. I stayed there until the mortuary got there to take her away. Not even my grandfather could go in there with them.

Before they took her away, I removed the last item on my mother, her watch, and to this day I have it. No one else will get it, no one knows I have it, but my grandmother never took that or her cross necklace off, EVER. I have both, because my grandfather felt that I would cherish them the most, and they are both put away for safe keeping for my children.

There are many more visions of that night and my grandmother that I remember, that I don't want to remember, and I pray that no one else would ever have to see what I saw that night. I have dreams and I have nightmares of that night.

The very next day my grandfather had us clean out her room, get rid of her stuff, and that be done. It was hard, but we did it for him.

I have come to the realization that I never really cried for her, for the loss of my "mother". I think at the time, that in my mind, we had known for so long that I felt like I should already be "over it" and just get back to daily grind of life, and that's what I did for over a year, until Yesterday.

Screw that, I am human, and I deserve to feel the pain and sorrow of losing my support, half my heart and soul. I deserve to be able to cry, to look at my children and think about what could have been. Life is so hard without her here to talk to, to support me.

Right now I am thinking about having another child. I would love to be able to call her and say "mom what do you think about that, how does that make you feel, and do you think I should" but can't and it KILLS me.

My children will not get to know any of their "grand" mothers (my mom passed when I was 5, my husbands mother passed away suddenly when I was 2 months pregnant, & my grandmother) and I feel so bad for them. They will never get the joy of having that person there for them. My son is already losing memories of grandma, he just remembers her. I have pictures, a ton of pictures to share with them when they get older and you can be sure they will know all the details of all their "grand" mothers, because to us, that's what they were, GRAND!

My son, grandmother & grandfather on my sons 8th birthday 11/2007

My daughter & grandma 11/2007

My grandmothers favorite holiday was Christmas. This was her bringing out all her singing toys and showing my daughter. My daughter fell in love with this one,and yes, it went home with us that day.

My daughter and grandmother on Christmas day 2007

My daughters last visit to her great grandmother

Mom, I miss you so damn much!

Another Trip to ER

As you all know I was in the ER, Again last night. There were a lot of questions, so those of you new to getting to know me, here's the run down:

2 years ago I gave birth to my beautiful little baby girl. The pregnancy had been hard & long. After about two months, I ended up in Kaiser urgent care with a severe migraine. After 3 shots and 6 hrs of "waiting" nothing was stopping the pain, so the Dr ran a list of blood test. They came back saying that I was having problems with my thyroid. That it was over active at the moment. I was sent to an endocrinologist, whom then told me I had post-partum-thyroiditist. It then went in to the underactive mode, called hypothyroidism. It was at this point my thyroid was swelling to the point where I couldn't breath well while laying down, this is called goiter. I was then sent to a surgeon who said that it should be taken out. It was at this time I was given all the "possibilities" of what could happen after surgery. The long list included vocal chord damage, problems from removing a para-thyroid are low calcium & potassium, but those chances were really low. So, a week later, on Wed in May of 2008, I had the surgery.

I was in the hospital for three days to be monitored. I had had no reactions, so on Fri evening the Dr let me go home. Sat morning, I woke up, talked to my husband, and my face froze. As we made it to urgent care once again, the rest of my body started cramping up. My husband said it was like watching someone curl into a ball having a stroke. Arms curled up, knees to my chest, couldn't talk, but could hear and understand all that was going on around me. My poor husband was trying to explain and freaking out at the same time. I was then sent from Kaiser to Mercy, where I was hospitalized for a week. My calcium levels had dropped so low that I was having what they call a tetany, which is where all your muscles shut down. I was released on a ton of calcium a week later. Image trying to take 5-500mg Ibuprofens every 4hours after throat surgery, it was interesting to say the least.

Everything went fine for a while. My dosages were lowered and all seemed well. Then, in October of 2008, I was put back in the hospital with another tetany attack and low calcium. Now, I did have food poisoning at the time, so that didn't help the situation out. I was there for three more days. Releases on meds again.

Since Jan of 2009 to current, I can't tell you how many times I have spend the night in the ER. I was there on an average of every three weeks. But now, it's no longer my calcium, it is my potassium. I normally have 2 bags of IV potassium put in, re-tested then sent on my marry way. Now, it sounds easy, but the whole process takes about 3-5 hours per bag, as for any of you who have had potassium done in an IV, it burns BAD & makes you very nauseous, so it has to be done slowly. I go to SJQH here in Bakersfield, and sadly, most of the nurses already recognize me.

Yesterday was a different story though. I had been feeling sick for about three days, with all the normal symptoms, upset stomach (not really eating much for those three days), dizzy, exhausted, so my husband made me go in. I was reluctant, because those of you that do know me, know my situation at this point and time. I am a stay at home, on disability for this whole "problem", and I am now losing my Medi-Cal because my husband got a job and I get income from disability. So, to go and have to pay, or to stay home and "try" to take care of myself. Hubby had a different idea. Said I had been "trying" to take care of myself for the last week, it was time to go in. Now, the Dr on call is one that I had a run in with before, to the point where I called board of directors for the hospital, so they were nice enough to let me see the one other Dr in the ER. This Dr was on his game! I was so happy. He ran blood test, everything. Then, BAM! My calcium was great, my potassium was a little low, but my magnesium was way low. So, he was reluctant to give me IV potassium (info listed above) so he gave me 3 horse pills and had blood drawn 4hrs later. In the mean time, I did have to have an IV of magnesium. If any of the three elements are low, you will not be able to raise any of them. He then gave me the option to take more horse pills there and promise to take more before bed, or stay, take the pills, and wait 4 hrs for blood test. I was feeling better so I chose home. I was sick all night, nauseous from all the potassium but the dizziness is going away.

It is now early am the next day,I am tired as can be, didn't sleep well last night, writing this post, then going to lay down on the couch with my baby girl and veg the rest of the day away.

I am hoping I didn't bore everyone, and hope I explained well, so when you get the next message that says ER again, you all know.

I want to say thank you to everyone for all the message, the thoughts, and the offer to bring food. (you know who you are :)

Pink Cupcakes

Well, we couldn't hold out on the 2year old so we got her some cupcakes and her favorite ice cream for a little early birthday celebration. Now, our plans are to take her to Johns Incredible Pizza this weekend, but daddy just couldn't wait. To say the least, Tanis enjoyed it!

This is what she looked like before the cupcakes lol

The start of the fun

 A scoop of ice cream had to go in with each bite of cupcake

The end product, saying cheese for the camera

And she's officially 2 !!!!

Wow, she's 2

Wow, I still can't get it through my head that 2 years ago at 8:36 a.m. my daughter was born. I can't believe she's now 2. My precious little baby girl. I look at photos and I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. All the troubles and hardships to get her here healthy, and all that I have dealt with medically since, have been worth it 100 plus percent. 

Yesterday she was playing on a blanket in the living room. She has this habit of fluffling them out until they are perfect. Then she layed on said blanket. At that point, I looked at my almost 2 year old, and cried my eyes out. That blanket has been around since the day she was born. 

The blanket was 10x her size, but now is a perfect bed blanket. It made me remember her laying on it as an infant, and I realized how time goes by so so fast. We  need to spend as much time with our children as possible, and nothing else really matters. It made me realize I don't want to miss one minute of her life for any reason. I am so happy that God has blessed me with my two beautiful children. 

Tanis, Aug 9th, 2007

5 days old

Tanis at 3 weeks old

Tanis, the morning of her dedication, at 6 weeks old. 

Tanis, at a year and a half, her first night in her big girl bed.

Family weekend

This weekend was a very nice weekend. Saturday afternoon Tanis, Adam and I met our family from Modesto for lunch, and for them to give Tanis her early birthday gifts. We haven't seen them in a long time so it was very very nice to be able to visit. Tanis, as always, had a blast with them. When we got home, she was playing with the kitchen as soon as daddy got it in the door.

Saturday evening we went to pick up Michael in Valencia. To say the least, the squeal that Miss Tanis let out, let us ALL know that she was very very happy to have brother home. She tried to talk to him all-the-way-home. That made for a long ride, but mommy was smiling all the way. They have not stopped playing since he got home. 

Tanis, Grandpa Michael & Grandma Robin

Tanis didn't want us to take her drink away..lol. 

 Mmmm eating cake, yummy,

 Trying to share the cake with mommy!

Grandma Robin & Daddy

Tanis playing with the house. We managed to get it in the house, her diaper changed, and she ran away to play with it..lol. 

Sunday evening, we got a phone call from Papa Kidd. He came over for a visit and brought Tanis' birthday presents from them. At first she was a little reluctant, then she just had a blast. She got this adorable little dress that she had to have on, and a pant outfit that she carried around the house. She also got this awesome pop-up book that she loves, but is a book that she can only read with mommy and daddy as we have already ripped out papas favorite dolphin. 

Tanis opening her first present alone

She had to have the dress on & then walked around holding the pants to the outfit that was in the bag

Tanis pretending to read the card... 

Tanis having Papa Kidd read her book to her (for about 20 minutes) lol. 

All in all it was a very nice family weekend!

A quicky update

Not a lot to update but here it goes:

I have been having complications from my surgery for the last year. I have been in and out of the ER and have seen a specialist who has changed several of my meds, but until it all gets straightened out, I am now, and until further notice from Dr, a stay at home mom. It’s been kind of scary, there has been a lot of adjustments, but its also been very fun and rewarding.

I am enjoying spending the time with my daughter, and watching her grow and change. I am cherishing every moment we have together. She’s getting so big, and she’s walking, talking, and working on potty training. I just can’t believe that in less than a week, my little girl is going to be a 2yr old toddler. It makes me sad and yet happy at the same time. They truly do grow up way too fast!

Michael comes home in 4 days and I can't wait. It's funny how when you have kids running around you, you can't wait to have that break, a moment to yourself, then when they are gone, you just can't wait to have them back. He has been gone for almost a month, and it seems so much longer than that. I miss him so much, and his sister is going stir crazy without him. They are going to have so much fun playing when he gets home. That is, until he starts school in about two weeks. Which, everytime we talk on the phone, he keeps asking to make sure that he is going to the same school. He’s so excited and can’t wait to see if kids he went to school with two years ago are still there. I hope they are and I hope that he makes alot of new friends. I am also hoping that his adjustment to returning to a school he knows will help him get back on track.

Yay, can't wait to have both my babies at home and get to spend some time with them!

Wow, What a day!!

Wow, where to begin. Yesterday was a very long day. Tan and I drove Michael to OC to spend the rest of his summer with his dad. While we were in Irvine we went to the Irvine Spectrum. In the 6 1/2 years since I have moved away, that place has tripled in size. So, me and the kids walked around. They now have a ferris wheel, which Michael wanted to ride. I told him no way ! I am terrified of heights.

Then we came upon the merri-go-round. Mommy gave in and we rode it. I told Michael the first time I took him on this he freaked and we had to have the ride stopped to get off. This time he enjoyed it. Tan wasn't too sure at first, then as she watcher her brother have fun, she proceeded to let go and scream weee all the way around.



We dropped Michael off about 12:30. Then, as we hit Knotts Berry Farms area, we hit traffic, which lasted until we were out of LA. (there was an accident by the Outlets just before Burbank-which caused a three hour delay). Tan was awesome during the traffic. Just sat in the back seat singing to herself and playing. This was after 3hrs of just sitting.

Then, right as we thought we were in the clear, we were coming through Valencia and saw this. At first it was really small, then as we rounded the bend, it got bigger and bigger. They called it a brush fire, but wow, I never want to see one of these again. We were apparently very lucky to get through this, because not five minutes after we passed it I got notice via text that that area was shut down to both directions of traffic. I was very happy to say the least. I would have lost my mind to sit in traffic AGAIN!!!

After leaving OC at about 12:30, we finally made it home at almost 7pm. I was so happy to see my hubby at that point and crash on the couch. To say the least, it was an early night in our house.