Why do we, as adults, feel the need to leave nasty comments on our myspace page or facebook page, but never actually say who we are talking about, or tell that person what we are really thinking.
Recently (or should I say all my life) I have been part of drama. Last night I found out from a relative that a person, (who is related to a relative of mine) whom I knew would do this, has left a smarmy comment on her myspace page about me, of course without saying it's actually me. Although, we all know it is.
If you have something to say, why don't you just come out and say it to the person you are talking about. Are you afraid of a confrontation, afraid that it's the truth and you are the one lying through your teeth, afraid of realizing that you are the true problem, please do tell. Or just tell me what your damn problem is.
When I was told this, my first instinct was to write this person a nasty email telling them exactly what I think, but that's already been said and done and I would just be hitting a brick wall. Not only that, I don't want to stoop to that persons level. That's just not my style. So, I am taking to my space and my blog and venting. Then, I will let it go. It's not worth my time or my effort anymore. I'm done. I'm very sad, because this person is related to the one person who was supposed to always stand up for me, and be there for me, but it is what it is. Maybe he doesn't know she's doing this, but I'm sure he knows how she feels.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Thursday's Dr's Apt & Fri L&D Drama
(warning: this is a long post)
Thursday Dr's Appointment
So, I had my 33 week Dr's appointment on this past Thursday. Not much has changed. The ultrasound came out great, there was extra fliud in their for the little one and the breathing is fabulous! Yay. Still getting much bigger ahead of time..
Then, NTS monitoring. Contraction after contraction. Hmm, duh, nothing out of the norm for me, but you know how Dr's are. Never believe you until they have proof.
Dr did an exam, I was 50% thinned out but not dialated or anything and he said since the fetal fybronectin came out negative a week ago (that's a test that tells you that you have a high or low posability to deliver in the next two weeks) so he said that all looks good and we will re-do the test next week. However, he didn't like all the contractions I was having. So, he put me on an additional medication. Told me to go home and take two pills to start then take 1 pill every six hours to keep the contractions down. I went downstairs to pick up the meds at the Walgreens. (it's awesome having a pharmacy in your medical building). Dr said that if I make it past 37 weeks the c-section will be scheduled for 39weeks. I will have another ultrasound in two weeks from now to see how big baby is, if baby is big, and I go in to labor, I will still have to have a c-section. Oh joy.
Then I proceeded to go home. Did I mention, that my first appointment was at 3, it's not almost 6pm, and by the time I got home, ate dinner and went to read the pamphlet that came with the meds it was almost 7pm. I pulled out the pamphlet and read the first line. "Calcium beta blocker". Shit, WTH, do Dr's not think, is my first thought. So, since the Dr is on call that night I called the nurse line. She said that her book didn't tell her how much of a beta blocker it was but it should be ok to take the first dose and call the Dr in the am to confirm. At this point, the answer wasn't good enough for me and hubby, so I opted not to take the first dose until I actually got ahold of someone in the office. So, I will call them Fri am.
Friday's (and Sat am drama)
So, I get up Fri am and call and leave a message with Drs office, supposedly his nurse. I call back at about 2pm because I have had no return call. I leave a nother message. About an hour or so later (I was out at this point with my cousin) and they said that the Dr said that it wasn't enough of a blocker to worry about it so please take your first dose tonight. So, I took it after Tan went to bed. (that way daddy could watch me for any reactions). About an hour after I took said meds I went to get in the shower. I looked down and from my knees down I was lobster red and my feet were super swollen, like I had just hiked 20 miles. You touched one spot and that spot would look ghost white. Ok, I figured since I had been off my feet all day then went out for 45 mins it caused a little swelling. (yeah my brains not that clear these days). After my shower hubby and I sat down to watch Avatar together. About another 30 mins later I started to get a really bad headache. Read the pamphlet on meds and a side effect is mild headache. So I took some tylenol, and at the end of movie told hubby I needed to go to bed because my head was hurting too much.
At about midnight I woke up in excrutiating pain. I tell you it was like someone was slamming my whole head in a car trunk, more like a semi-truck trunk. I took another two tylenol and tried with all my might to give them time to kick in. At about 1:45am I couldn't take it anymore. I call the nurse hotline, crying my eyes out (which only hurt more) and tell them what is going on. She tells me to go straight to L&D because I am having an allergic reaction to the medication I started. So, I am crying my head off, wake up hubby and daughter and they take me to L&D. (oh, did I mention that the hospital is on the other side of town, we were having a good winter storm, and there was ice, winds up to 50mph and snow) yeah, it was fantastic to be driving in it at 2am)
I get there, get all hooked up, my blood pressure is sky high (140's/96) for the whole 3 hours I am there. I am having a lot of contractions, and it's only getting worse because of the pain. By this point the pain is so bad I'm not feeling hot in the stomach department either. The nurse asked me on a scale of 1-10 how bad was the pain. I told her 20. She said I had to choose between 1-10. Said 1 is no big deal, 10 is surgery. I told her if I could have surgery to remove my head right now, I would. She just smiled at me. So, the Dr on call gave me some anti-vomitting meds (oooh that was nice) and some migraine drugs. Doubled the first dose, waited an hour, gave me a single dose, then one more hour a nother single dose to be on my way home. With the warning that because this was an allergic reaction the headache will be there for a day or two. Continue taking tylenol every 4hrs until the second day, then every 6. Oh, and the nurse did an exam, and, bam! I am 1cm and 40%. They told me not to worry about it since this is my third baby and all, but just watch the contractions until my next Drs appointment. Next Thursday.
The headache is a litte better now. Still really exhausted. We didn't do much this weekend, and Tan was fabulous through the whole thing. Will now have to tell the Dr that I am no longer taking the meds, going to tell him that he needs to start the steroids now because I know this baby will be here way sooner than it should be. I know the Dr won't like that, being all "we need to wait and crap" but after the last two babies i have had, I am so tired of Dr's not listening to me, and just doing what needs to be done.
Thursday Dr's Appointment
So, I had my 33 week Dr's appointment on this past Thursday. Not much has changed. The ultrasound came out great, there was extra fliud in their for the little one and the breathing is fabulous! Yay. Still getting much bigger ahead of time..
Then, NTS monitoring. Contraction after contraction. Hmm, duh, nothing out of the norm for me, but you know how Dr's are. Never believe you until they have proof.
Dr did an exam, I was 50% thinned out but not dialated or anything and he said since the fetal fybronectin came out negative a week ago (that's a test that tells you that you have a high or low posability to deliver in the next two weeks) so he said that all looks good and we will re-do the test next week. However, he didn't like all the contractions I was having. So, he put me on an additional medication. Told me to go home and take two pills to start then take 1 pill every six hours to keep the contractions down. I went downstairs to pick up the meds at the Walgreens. (it's awesome having a pharmacy in your medical building). Dr said that if I make it past 37 weeks the c-section will be scheduled for 39weeks. I will have another ultrasound in two weeks from now to see how big baby is, if baby is big, and I go in to labor, I will still have to have a c-section. Oh joy.
Then I proceeded to go home. Did I mention, that my first appointment was at 3, it's not almost 6pm, and by the time I got home, ate dinner and went to read the pamphlet that came with the meds it was almost 7pm. I pulled out the pamphlet and read the first line. "Calcium beta blocker". Shit, WTH, do Dr's not think, is my first thought. So, since the Dr is on call that night I called the nurse line. She said that her book didn't tell her how much of a beta blocker it was but it should be ok to take the first dose and call the Dr in the am to confirm. At this point, the answer wasn't good enough for me and hubby, so I opted not to take the first dose until I actually got ahold of someone in the office. So, I will call them Fri am.
Friday's (and Sat am drama)
So, I get up Fri am and call and leave a message with Drs office, supposedly his nurse. I call back at about 2pm because I have had no return call. I leave a nother message. About an hour or so later (I was out at this point with my cousin) and they said that the Dr said that it wasn't enough of a blocker to worry about it so please take your first dose tonight. So, I took it after Tan went to bed. (that way daddy could watch me for any reactions). About an hour after I took said meds I went to get in the shower. I looked down and from my knees down I was lobster red and my feet were super swollen, like I had just hiked 20 miles. You touched one spot and that spot would look ghost white. Ok, I figured since I had been off my feet all day then went out for 45 mins it caused a little swelling. (yeah my brains not that clear these days). After my shower hubby and I sat down to watch Avatar together. About another 30 mins later I started to get a really bad headache. Read the pamphlet on meds and a side effect is mild headache. So I took some tylenol, and at the end of movie told hubby I needed to go to bed because my head was hurting too much.
At about midnight I woke up in excrutiating pain. I tell you it was like someone was slamming my whole head in a car trunk, more like a semi-truck trunk. I took another two tylenol and tried with all my might to give them time to kick in. At about 1:45am I couldn't take it anymore. I call the nurse hotline, crying my eyes out (which only hurt more) and tell them what is going on. She tells me to go straight to L&D because I am having an allergic reaction to the medication I started. So, I am crying my head off, wake up hubby and daughter and they take me to L&D. (oh, did I mention that the hospital is on the other side of town, we were having a good winter storm, and there was ice, winds up to 50mph and snow) yeah, it was fantastic to be driving in it at 2am)
I get there, get all hooked up, my blood pressure is sky high (140's/96) for the whole 3 hours I am there. I am having a lot of contractions, and it's only getting worse because of the pain. By this point the pain is so bad I'm not feeling hot in the stomach department either. The nurse asked me on a scale of 1-10 how bad was the pain. I told her 20. She said I had to choose between 1-10. Said 1 is no big deal, 10 is surgery. I told her if I could have surgery to remove my head right now, I would. She just smiled at me. So, the Dr on call gave me some anti-vomitting meds (oooh that was nice) and some migraine drugs. Doubled the first dose, waited an hour, gave me a single dose, then one more hour a nother single dose to be on my way home. With the warning that because this was an allergic reaction the headache will be there for a day or two. Continue taking tylenol every 4hrs until the second day, then every 6. Oh, and the nurse did an exam, and, bam! I am 1cm and 40%. They told me not to worry about it since this is my third baby and all, but just watch the contractions until my next Drs appointment. Next Thursday.
The headache is a litte better now. Still really exhausted. We didn't do much this weekend, and Tan was fabulous through the whole thing. Will now have to tell the Dr that I am no longer taking the meds, going to tell him that he needs to start the steroids now because I know this baby will be here way sooner than it should be. I know the Dr won't like that, being all "we need to wait and crap" but after the last two babies i have had, I am so tired of Dr's not listening to me, and just doing what needs to be done.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Your supposed to be my friends & family
I am so tired of all the drama. I thought that with us moving our little family closer to family that actually cares more (and to a whole nother state) it would be better and wouldn't reach us on a daily basis. However, I was so wrong.
I am so so tired of people saying how much they love you, care about you, etc, and then, bam!
I recently found out that a lot of family members and friends in CA have said some not nice things since we have left. Why??!!!
Now, I knew a few peoples feelings before we left. Some simply said that we had to do what was best for our family, etc. Then, one person I talked to, didn't talk to me for a few weeks. When I asked said person why, she said "when you told me you were leaving I was really upset, but now I realize you have to do what's best for your family". This said person is a sweetheart, but really. I'm tired of watching my tongue. This said person is a family friend, and her family has been since way before I was born. However, I never hear from them or talk to them or anything, EVER. What right does that give them to make me feel like crap? None.
These people are people (family and friends) that never take initative or anything.
When I have to be the one to call you ALL THE TIME, I'm the only one emailing, I'm the one that has to practically beg to see you, except for holidays of course, what gives you the right to complain about my decisions for myself and my family. NONE damnit! I don't want to hear that family is best for my children. What good it is to have so called "family" around if you never see them and when you do, it's all drama.
I do have to say that I do miss these people, really I do, but I am so tired of it. I am 30 years old, I have two beautiful children with one on the way, and yet I still feel like I'm 5 years old and everyone is trying to run my life.
Then, there's my father. Not a lot of what has happened is public. If you know me, you know about him. Simply put. Before I left CA I wrote my father a really long letter explaining a lot of things to him, things that I have never said. At that point I told him that I didn't want to see or talk to him before I left because I knew there would be drama, with him and his wife. I'm pregnant and don't need the confrontation. It's been almost a month and a half, and I have had no word from him. NONE! This is probobly what saddens me the most. The one person I thought I had left, and I don't even seem to be worth it. I guess it is what it is.
Anyways, not sure what the point of this post is but to vent my feelings. I'm just so tired of being the one to do all the work to make a relationship last. I'm mentally exhausted with this. At this point I just don't know what to do, and I just don't care anymore.
For those of you that do still write to me, thank you very much for you support and love. Believe me, right now, it's greatly appreciated.
I am so so tired of people saying how much they love you, care about you, etc, and then, bam!
I recently found out that a lot of family members and friends in CA have said some not nice things since we have left. Why??!!!
Now, I knew a few peoples feelings before we left. Some simply said that we had to do what was best for our family, etc. Then, one person I talked to, didn't talk to me for a few weeks. When I asked said person why, she said "when you told me you were leaving I was really upset, but now I realize you have to do what's best for your family". This said person is a sweetheart, but really. I'm tired of watching my tongue. This said person is a family friend, and her family has been since way before I was born. However, I never hear from them or talk to them or anything, EVER. What right does that give them to make me feel like crap? None.
These people are people (family and friends) that never take initative or anything.
When I have to be the one to call you ALL THE TIME, I'm the only one emailing, I'm the one that has to practically beg to see you, except for holidays of course, what gives you the right to complain about my decisions for myself and my family. NONE damnit! I don't want to hear that family is best for my children. What good it is to have so called "family" around if you never see them and when you do, it's all drama.
I do have to say that I do miss these people, really I do, but I am so tired of it. I am 30 years old, I have two beautiful children with one on the way, and yet I still feel like I'm 5 years old and everyone is trying to run my life.
Then, there's my father. Not a lot of what has happened is public. If you know me, you know about him. Simply put. Before I left CA I wrote my father a really long letter explaining a lot of things to him, things that I have never said. At that point I told him that I didn't want to see or talk to him before I left because I knew there would be drama, with him and his wife. I'm pregnant and don't need the confrontation. It's been almost a month and a half, and I have had no word from him. NONE! This is probobly what saddens me the most. The one person I thought I had left, and I don't even seem to be worth it. I guess it is what it is.
Anyways, not sure what the point of this post is but to vent my feelings. I'm just so tired of being the one to do all the work to make a relationship last. I'm mentally exhausted with this. At this point I just don't know what to do, and I just don't care anymore.
For those of you that do still write to me, thank you very much for you support and love. Believe me, right now, it's greatly appreciated.
Friday, April 16, 2010
32 Weeks, let the fun begin!
Wow, it's hard to think I've made it this far already. 32 weeks. It's been a very mupy rough road, and we are almost there. I started the post this am, without knowing that all the shit was going to hit the fan again, so soon.
Today, I started my weekly visits. They consist of me first going to get an ultrasound done to check the baby, the weight, and the fluid. Then, I go sit in this really comfy recliner and get monitored for what's supposed to be 10-15 mins, but leave it to me to "concern" the Dr and have to sit there for 30 minutes. I was having too many contractions and the baby wasn't responding the way they wanted it to. So, then back to the ultrasound room to check baby and see if the little one is doing the "spontanious practice breathing", which the good thing is, the baby is doing. They say that this gives the little one a better chance if they have to get the baby out early. The other thing, this baby is weighing in at 5.8lbs. For those of you who don't know, I am only 32 weeks along, TODAY! That weight brings the babies due date down to almost May 21st, although we all know the Drs wont actually change the due date. However, I was informed if I even carry this one through 37 weeks, it can be weighing in at about 8-10lbs. If that is the case, I will be having a c-section. This, scares.the.crap.out.of.me! I was hoping it wouldn't be so. I saw a nurse practioner today, however, I get to see my Dr at next weeks apt and I believe he will tell me the same thing since that's what his notes told the NP. Now, it's time to freak out!
Well, I saw the NP after the monitoring and back and forth to the ultrasound room. Now, my blood pressure was too high. So, she made me hang out for a while, and re-took it. Still too high. I was then told I need to go across the parking lot to L&D and be monitored. Oh joy. I told her I had to go home and get hubby and daughter first because I had the only vehichle. She said I had 30 minutes. I called the hubby, he said uncle just got home and told him to leave the little one at home. I drove home, picked up hubby and went back to the hospital. When I was at home I tried to explain to T where I was going but she just kept jumping up and down saying "baby...baby...baby". lol. Can you tell she can't wait. lol.
We got to the hospital and got to the see the monitoring rooms for the first time. They are the only rooms we didn't get to see on the tour. They aren't bad. They are about the size of an ER room, but with their own private bathroom and they all have TV's. We were lucky enough, this time, to only be there for about 3 hours. I was put on the monitors, having mild (tell that to my stomach) contractions about every 5 minutes, drank water, etc but nothing stopped them. They did an "exam" and a swab to make sure I had no protein internally and all was good. No changes so we got to go home with the note that if they continue or get worse, blah blah blah to come back. Yeah, like that's going to happen. They don't understand at this point, to me, these are all normal. So, I shall see my Dr next week, get more info on baby, if/when to schedule the damn c-section, and go from there.
Here are some pics taken this am. I am huge! My large shirts don't fit anymore, but that's ok. I'm comfy lol.
Scary front view lol
My big baby belly
Friday, April 9, 2010
Please pray for Hailey, her family & her Drs
This precious little girl Hailey and her family have had a rough go of it. Right now, she's not doing good at all, the Dr's can't get a handle on it, and to boot she has an IV cath flowing through her blood veins. Please, pray, cross your finger, what ever it is you do, but send this family some love. May God watch over them and her Dr's!
Please read her moms blog and leave some love and support for her. Thank you.
Please read her moms blog and leave some love and support for her. Thank you.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Happy Easter
I hope everyone had a great Easter. We are missing Michael very much, but he said he had a good Easter. (with the exception of the earth quake he felt that he said scared him pretty good)
Sat we got up and colored some eggs with Aunt Barbara to take the VFW for an egg hunt, and Sunday we got up and Tanis got to have her Easter Basket. All in all it was a pretty relaxing and nice weekend.
Tan & Aunt Barbara coloring eggs
Tan taking over coloring the eggs lol
Tan decorating the eggs with stickers
They had a stack of stuffed animals and each child got to take one home. Tan chose a little baby duck. And our new word for the weekend was of course, "bunny"
Tan running for eggs lol
Tan telling her cousin Lucky to hurry up, and yelling "show papa" (my Uncle Bobby lol) She calls him papa because Lucky calls him papa (which he is to him lol)
Tan's Easter Basket
She was so happy for the glove. (and of course so was daddy)
Ahh, sidewalk chalk to make a kid smile :)
Tan & daddy trying out the glove
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